The Gardener

There is a euphemism in the BDSM community of "The Gardener," referring to the dominant or master -- he or she who tends the garden, provides the food and water, shapes the straightness of the growth of the blossom.  He or she who over-sees. And, by extension, the euphemism includes the tended plant's similarities to the submissive:  he or she who responds to the care, who takes nourishment and grows taller for it.

I note with amusement that this euphemism has nothing whatsoever to do with sex, kinky-sex, sadistic-sex, masochistic-sex, three-way sex, or tied-up sex.  The euphemism involves the practical relations between a dominant and a submissive: the dominant acts, and the submissive reacts (philosophically-speaking).

Of course when people who love each other collide and their wow-factors combust and the engines roar in triumph for having found each other, it is a natural progression in a relationship to explore the thousand playful ways of sexual intercourse.  And, of course, during sexual performance the dominant dominates and the submissive submits just as in other daily life-events.  But even a year later after beginning my journey of learning about real submission and domination, I am still amazed at the sexually-charged atmosphere of the BDSM communities I peek into.

Frankly, I don't see very many gardens.  The J2D sim is the closest I come to there being garden, nature, tree and blossom.  Water.  Growth.  Opportunity and potential.

I know, I know -- birds and bees are everywhere, and they pollinate and cross-pollinate and there is always the yawning genitalia of wide-open flowers just waiting for the penetrating probe of the next insect, everywhere one looks.  The fragrant perfume of such blooms attracts me and changes my state of being.  I love to immerse myself in a beautiful garden, and it is equally pleasing to surround myself with devoted and delighted submissive personalities.  Interested, aware, mannered and cultured, the submissive personality has the potential to achieve the heights of intellectual and emotional bliss.  There are fascinating people with unique experience, in this particular realm.

And yet, it is a rare find, that sweet person devoted to growing taller and shedding thorns.  So often, the submissive feels incomplete without a dominant at the other end of this conversation so that they grow distracted, unsatisfied, unreasonably sexually-charged and nearly violent with anxiety.  It is not another submissive she wants to speak with or to wander through the park and look at birds -- it is a dominant, ready to spank her and then sexually use her, half-clothed, without asking.

This, I am learning, is not a problem of submission and domination: this is a problem with emotional well-being in general.  This is a problem of mental health.  This is a problem of coming-online-only-when-horny, so that we never get to know the real person, sated and in equilibrium.  This is a problem of nymphomania -- a manic need for sex that, for as long as it goes unsatisfied, continues to grow in intensity and perversion.  This, I am learning, has nothing whatsoever to do with domination and submission, and frankly it should!

People cruelly-use other people not because the world is populated by cruelty and evil laughter, but rather because there is an epidemic of uncontrolled, unmastered emotion in the world.  Domination and submission is perfectly -- honestly, ideally -- suited for the self-mastering of emotion that is required to practice safe, sane, consenting performance.  This lifestyle is precisely where it should be (and can be) fixed.

Mastering and self-mastering are words that, outside of the BDSM universe, become diluted with overuse and inaccurate use.  Mastering and self-mastering are sorely needed in the general population so filled with anger and quick-to-judge assumptions.  To follow one who has the ability to discipline and to focus another person's energy into higher learning and higher understanding, zen-like peace and beneficial living habits -- oh how I wish this were a widespread practice among dominants and submissives!  To tend to gardens literally, and to prune and eliminate the weeds, these are behaviours that would make people and the world beautiful.  BDSM must be -- surely, it must be -- more than spanking and seeing how long we can hold our breath.

This is my journey, of course.  For those that need a spanking, I am overjoyed when you get it. For me, though, it is a garden that I wish to explore, and to get back to learning of the unique and interesting ways gardeners do their work with the beautiful flowers they labour around. I definitely need to get out more, like I used to.

To forgive, to absolve, to let go

I'm working on forgiveness.  Like "Jealousy" and like "Shame" it is a very large, very baggy and convoluted idea.  And of course, it involves many people's differing opinions and advice.  When I talk about forgiveness with people, we all seem to have different ideas about what the word really means.  Often people imagine "absolution" or "forgetting" or "letting go" or "re-inventing" or "erasing" when they imagine the process of how they forgive.  But what is it, actually "to forgive"?

The best way for me to look at it is through a Christian lens.  To forgive is to hear a confession of absolute responsibility; to understand without a doubt that the person feels responsible and feels remorse; and then to feel satisfied that the person's sense of responsibility and remorse will prevent any future and similar behaviour.  Forgiveness in that sense takes two people.  The one must confess in a real and meaningful way; and the other must understand that the confession is real.  Which is great if it happens like that.

What if one is required to forgive someone who does not believe he has done anything wrong?  I believe there is no forgiveness in that sense since forgiveness requires two people, but there is the solitary version of it: absolution.  Another Christian term, but applied without any religious fervour.  A person may choose to absolve another human being of any harm he has inflicted, if a person wishes to. That is what Christ does when he offers the other cheek for slapping.  When someone slaps your cheek, offer the other cheek too, he says; don't slap in revenge.  (I'm not really a Christian, thank heavens, so I can slap whoever I want.)

In either case, whether to forgive or to absolve is the tension, the end result is a "letting go," by all accounts.  It is peace.  It is a new level of serenity.  Or, at least, that is my mental picture.  Really, what it means is, if I forgive this person once, I have to keep forgiving this person every day of my life.  Doing it once means I'll definitely have to do it twice, and thrice, ad infinitum.  At least, that is my great fear.

On the other hand, I suppose that it is possible -- it is possible -- that the person in question already self-punishes and self-loathes as a result of past and recent behaviours.  It is possible.  I will never know for sure.  Therefore, it is possible that I do not necessarily need to "keep score" and keep the wound fresh and alive for the rest of my days as an act of "being true to me."  Absolution, private and without fanfare, may be the only solution.  Honestly, the whole situation is simply exhausting... Not like my pretty picture of a dock at sunset and calm water.  My happy, peaceful, forgiving place.  Sometimes I am amazed at how realistic Second Life photography can be.   My second life needs no absolution!  It is such a pretty place!

Backwards, Frontwards, Side to Side

It's been quite a day.  And there's nothing like talking to a real friend on a real kind of ... strange day.  I wanted to know about the role of love in submission, especially in the virtual world.  "Can you give yourself and still be independent?" my mentor asked me, challenging me to enjoy the feeling of a man without giving myself away.  And I enjoyed the feeling of a man.  And it feels like so long ago, but it is only just over a week, now.  "One more thing," she says to me, "do not fall in love with him."  That must mean that love is a part of submission.  Love can be a part of submission, rather.  It must mean that love risks being a part of submission, and that a person risks falling in love when perhaps love is not the bargain domination negotiates.
I started this journey, as I was reminded today by Sir RB, with the directive of "no love, please."  And I remember vividly saying to many people, "It's not  your love I'm looking for."  And I don't think that's changed, to be honest.  I do not think it is love that I am missing: but I do know that I am not cut out for a casual arrangement.  I do expect to be somebody's priority, because when I submit I make that man my priority.  I clarified today (thank you Sir RB, the conversation was precisely what I needed) that I spend a great deal of time erecting defenses against the possibility of being hurt (which would be a regular occurence if I did not erect these defenses; there are cruel people in the world), instead of privileging the aftermath of experience.  To privilege the guard-against means that I shall never really experience.  To privilege the aftermath means that I shall, in time, equip myself with the tools required to heal and to mend and to repair and to enjoy.  I have been doing things backwards, in other words.  I'm still not convinced that by doing the opposite I will actually be going forwards; I feel like I'm staggering to the side a little.  I know, however, that I am still on the right path towards You, mighty You, the You I know knows me.  Forgive me, I beg, if I take a little longer to get there.

It's not necessarily love that I need.  In fact, I'm sure it is not love that I need. It is love that I feel, though; and I'm now beginning to clarify things in my mind.  It's not love that I need; it's time and privilege.  It is love that I have to give, when I submit.  And what I need is consistency: time and privilege, dedicated time and dedicated priority.  I do need to be somebody's priority.  I do need that.  I have needs, and that is one of them.  Priority when he is here.  Priority when we have established a routine of inviolable time to share.  Not a monopoly but a scheduled priority.  My submission and my love are not very far different from each other; and I do not expect a virtual dom to understand it or reciprocate it -- but I do expect it to be valued, consistently, as part of who I am.  I think it is what makes me a desirable submissive.  And to that end, a consistent one.  Which means, it's time I communicate  a little bit now.  And so I shall.
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In other news, in my frenzy to try to understand the mind of a dom, before I was lucky enough to score Sir RB's attention, I started reading notecards from a library in Second Life.  I was instantly disheartened, but then I realized "Hah, it's not really surprising."  Check out the first line in one of the notecards, and I quote:  "Dominance is a primitive part of the human psyche.  To plug into this primitive role, you have to appear strong.  So be as strong as you can.  Then fake the rest."   And then it goes on to say, "Strong people have wants, but not needs."   There is another notecard from the same library, "How to be a good top."  I turn my attention to that.  It poses the question, what do you do with a submissive you have tied up?  "You can be stern and commanding, sympathetic but nasty, jolly yet sadistic... anything you please."   My initial reaction to reading this?  "Not with me, you can't."  Whoever wrote these wrote them with absolutely no forethought about what it means to engage meaningfully in a long-term negotiated D/s relationship.  And now the highly questionable experiences I have endured in this world make a lot more sense, given what is out there instructing people.

In still other news, the landscapes in this post are of the Journey to Domination and submission sim that Genny (my mentor) owns and operates.  I have given her a bunch of fresh landscape shots because it has been a while since I have photographed some beautiful land.  I was chatting today about how the principles of photography (perspective, light, focal point and level of interest) are also the principles of any human relationship, not just relationship between subject and beholder.  I process a great many things when I am engaged in an intensity of focus on a picture.

And More Punishment

In my previous post, I advance the argument that punishment (inflicted by the Dom upon the submissive) is not warranted except for under extreme circumstances:  circumstances that, for one reason or another, prevent the forgiveness process naturally.  My argument is that I can understand and expect the daily occurrence of correction; and I can anticipate and understand the Dom's requirement (and even enjoyment of) regular discipline of my mind and body.  But I do not expect there would be much call for punishment given a) I do not typically do things worthy of punishment, and b) whatever mistakes I have made can be rectified via the correction and discipline methods.  Punishment need never enter into it unless there is an extreme circumstance -- a circumstance under which I cannot forgive myself or, worse, my Dom cannot otherwise forgive me without meting out punishment as a cleansing process, a purgative process.  And in order for that to succeed, my Dom would have to know precisely (because I know precisely, and I have told him) what it is that would feel like punishment for me.

Now, what happens if, under some extreme circumstance that nobody could anticipate, it is not the submissive who screwed up so badly that she cannot be forgiven, but it is the Dom who screws up so badly that he cannot be forgiven?  Cannot be forgiven with the usual methods, like caring and adult conversation from heart to heart, trying to sort it out.  Because caring and adult conversation from heart to heart usually fixes things, right?  Usually.  And sometimes, it does not.  Sometimes, one party remains wounded from whatever it was that went wrong.  And if it is the submissive who remains wounded from the Dom's big-bad mistake, and if the healing process cannot proceed without a punishment-equivalent (in the same way that punishment would have cleansed the way if meted out by the Dom to the sub), then the only way forward that I can see would be for the submissive to remove her consent.  In other words, for the submissive to remove herself.  Remove her person.  Remove her consent from the "safe, sane, consensual" dynamic.  To hit the road and get some distance.

I got this idea from Sir RB whose punishment of choice (when punishment is required) is to remove himself from attending to his submissive.  Removing himself -- withholding attention -- is that which would pain his sub the most.  In similar fashion, I would argue that it is the submissive's duty to remove herself from a situation so severe that nothing short of that would begin the healing process.  Instead of "punishment," mind you, it would likely fall under the category of "preservation."   I read recently words that make perfect sense here:  a submissive (or a slave) is a human being "with the obligation of right action toward themselves and toward others.  ALWAYS."  Thank you Sir Al.  The obligation of right action towards themselves means, when the time for forgiveness is at hand but it cannot happen in the usual fashion (i.e. the heart to heart adult conversation that must, must, must happen because you respect each other and were friends first, before the shit hit the fan), then it is incumbent upon the submissive to effect a safe, sane removal of her consent.  In my opinion.

The image above, incidentally, is from another art installation which is available for experiencing on LEA6, art by Fae Varriale.  I call it an image of power, but whatever other people call it is equally valid.  I realize that in my very narrowly-focused viewpoint about punishment and relationships, the vast spectrum of power dynamics at play in every single human relationship out there in the world is beyond the scope of the point I'm trying to make.  I realize, too, that I look at D/s relationships (certainly my future one with You, Sir, whenever You propose it is time) as a form of justice, when that is not a necessary condition of human relations.  Right action speaks volumes to me.  Right reason.  Right and wrong.  To me, not necessarily to others.  And, sometimes, it's not about right and wrong... sometimes it is the very definition of "arousing" for a Master to use his power simply because he can.  Sometimes.  Maybe it's not about right and wrong.  Maybe it's just about power.  And power is exchanged somehow:  it is never destroyed.

Fine Lines

This has been quite a week of conversations.  I have learned this week more about myself than in recent history combined, and so much has come from being tested with misconceptions.  I'll give the benefit of the doubt and not say the word "prejudice" or even "bigotry" but rather call it "misconception" that drives the conversations of recent memory from which I have stepped higher still in my journey to submission.  I, too, am guilty of misconception (and my recent post on protected precious sweet asses is evidence of that).  Perhaps nobody is immune; we all must learn and no one is born perfect.  But, this week especially, I have been challenged on many fronts.  It felt surreal, this week, sort of like I was exploring "D/s through the looking glass" instead of just plain old D/s.   I think the most important learning I can catalogue this week is HOW perspective changes, and THAT perspective changes, and WHY perspective changes, and the vast difference between the perspective of the new versus the perspective of the very experienced.  The difference is in the fine lines.

[Digression:  one of my pet peeves in language is the way people abuse the phrase, "There is a fine line between...(insert comparatives here)."  There is often not a fine line between the things they suggest, when I stop and think about it, and then I scuff my toe in frustration having wasted all that time.  And that is not what I mean to suggest here, either, when I talk about fine lines.  There is no fine line demarcating the initiate and the Master.  Instead, there is a crude chalk-drawing by a student, a three-stroke stick-figure trying to tell a story it isn't complex enough to convey.  Next to it, a finely-wrought image drawn by the Master, an image comprised of a thousand fine lines, conveying a rounder, deeper story that takes hours to appreciate and weeks to analyze.  What the new person scratches-out cannot compare to the Masterful image of high complexity.  That is what I mean.  The fine lines reveal everything.]

The new person:  1) expects things to be obvious, 2) gravitates towards the obvious, 3) leaves heavy footprints through the journey.


The initiate:  1) understands that things are not always as they seem, 2) gravitates more towards what she desires instead of what is obvious and presented by default, 3) tries to walk more softly through the world.


The initiated:  1) begins to develop subtleties that characterize her unique self, 2) begins to assert her desires and hardly pays any attention to the obvious and the default anymore, 3) strives to walk not just softly but without penetrating the rice paper.

The Master:  1) recognizes subtlety in others and celebrates it, while recognizing that the new need guidance also, 2) can anticipate desire and meet it but is never above being surprised by joy, 3) can carry himself and his disciple (if required) with minimal impact to the land beneath.

A simple example: it is confusing (to the new Doms and  to the new subs at the beginning, if nobody knows any better) whether a submissive lady should be kneeling by default when a man speaks to her.  There are so many competing opinions and values and practices in Second Life, as many different answers to that question as there are practitioners of alternative lifestyles and roleplay.  There are so many reasons why a Dom may believe it is appropriate for a girl to kneel when speaking to him.  There are so many reasons why a submissive may believe such behaviour to be archaic, misguided, inappropriate to her life's purpose, or totally and perfectly reasonable.

What does submission look like?  It looks like whatever you want it to look like.  Submissive women wear lingerie and snowsuits and sneakers and pumps (granted, not all at once...).  Sometimes a sub wears a collar.  Sometimes she doesn't.  There are at least a dozen variables (and possibly ten dozen more) affecting whether you see her sporting a collar at any given moment.  She may or may not kneel.  She may or may not be owned.  She may or may not be attached at all, in any relationship.  She may be getting over a relationship; she may be entertaining the possibility of a new relationship; she may be withdrawing from any immediate relationships; she may be seeking platonic friendships or protective arms with no other expectations.  She may be wearing leather or lace.  There is a lot in common, really, with the vanilla lifestyle.  But, honestly, there are so many ways to LOOK submissive if one wants to be obvious and catch the attention of the obvious-seeking.  There are also so many ways to assert one's subtleties if one is looking to attract the attention of the more discerning (and less obvious) tastes.  I have endeavoured to wander the road paved by the discerning.  My protected precious sweet ass enjoys the tranquility.

Taming Desire

"Unrealistic expectations and desires," says Miss Steele in her Fantasy vs Reality article, "are some of the most difficult challenges faced by those in the lifestyle."   Fantasy is not sustainable 24 hours a day: as she quite rightly puts it, somebody has to do the grocery shopping, clean the floors, launder the clothes for the week, etc.  I tried explaining this to somebody, once, who spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince me that once I experienced him I would never want anything else.  (Alas, and obviously, he is not "The One" for me.)  Fantasy is not sustainable 24 hours a day.  It's exhausting.  I need (and love!) my vanilla living as a solid foundation around which my alternative fantasies can open and close.  I started thinking about this as a result of a discussion I attended last night on the longevity of Second Life relationships and whether D/s relationships had any better (or worse?) chance of surviving in-world.  The discussion yielded so many different comments that could, if properly analyzed, be traced back to unrealistic expectations and unbridled desire.  (There were other kinds of comments too, some remarkable in their maturity and many that I keep with me to learn from, in stages.  It was a good talk.)

Especially resonant with me at the moment is the phrase "unrealistic expectations and desires".  Desire, by its very nature, is without reason: it is a want -- a lack -- that makes itself feel like a need.  Desire exists: desire fuels and enflames.  We know this much.  We can't blame desire for being what it is.  Rather than blame desire, I think the onus is on expectation.   Unreasonable expectations is, quite simply, where some people go wrong.  The expectation that desire will be quenched perfectly, in every way, from every angle, at any cost, by a total stranger.  The expectation that people will mind-read, soul-read, spirit-read at first or second meeting.  The expectation that, regardless of time invested or personal compatibility or personal suitability, he or she whom you desire will not only desire you equally but will fulfill you (and all your sweet, bizarre kinks that you travel with and that make you you in your bizarre and kinky way) immediately and without hesitation.  Before the week is out.  And make a sandwich after.

I met a man who said to me that if I will not be intimate with him, he'll be very upset if I am intimate with others.  (His lifelong commitment to pain is touching.  I smile with mischief as he reads this.)  I met a man who believed that, since I claim to be a student of the D/s lifestyle, my body ought to be made available to him magically and automatically.  (We did, actually, set the record straight on that one, no fear.)  I met a man who plays his own submissive (by using the magic of Second Life).  I met a man who wanted to talk with me only to show me how funny he is when he talks to other people.  I meet people who yearn for applause; who yearn for attention; who make funny faces with the alphabet and who sacrifice incredible things in order to feel a moment of gratification (and who try desperately to extend that moment, pulling at the thread, reliving and revisioning and recreating one single moment repeated, because there was only ever that one single moment).   I meet people every day led by desire -- not just feeling the desire but actually governed by desire, shoved down the merry path by desire, hoodwinked and persuaded by desire, believing so strongly in their desire and the desperation for someone else to meet that desire, the be-all-and-end-all condition to endure at all times.  And the appetite... and the need... and the wanting... and the impatience... and the inevitable meltdown... they follow as darkness follows the day.  They travel together.  And it is no wonder that there is a sizeable, jaded community of "exes" in the world.  But, like a beacon of light through a misty night,  Maj made the following comment last night during the discussion:   "You have to put time and effort into it to make the relationship work.  There is no magic to it, and it's not easy.  It just matters how much you want it."   A relationship is a journey based on managed-expectation and not on unbridled-desire.  Maj and Simona are, of course, in a long-term relationship, and it shows.

The reason I practice my disciplines -- the reason I think about things like discipline of the mind, discipline of the spirit -- is because I train my desire.  This is the way I see clearly.  This is the way I feel comfortable alone (and not lonely) until such time as You see fit to claim me.  I wander happily in the light, and I know You will take me into the darkness where I desire to feel You overpower me... when it is time.  And not before.  Waiting is not a chore.  I know that bewilders some people, but I cannot please'em all.

Intimacy Part Two

Aftercare is the idea for this post, because it relates especially to intimacy and also to needs, both of which are on my mind lately.

I'd like to quote from a fairly good explication here at Steel Door:  "When we 'expose' ourselves to another human being, there is an expressed obligation by both people to refrain from injury or damage; to offer solace, nurturing and care until that sense of exposure recedes.  We call this period of time 'aftercare'. "   I was talking with Sir Tony this morning about the need for aftercare: he posed the question as to whether it was only the prerogative of the submissive to expect aftercare and whether it was required only after having achieved subspace.  My answer, on the spot, was that aftercare should be considered (in my opinion) a common human right, fundamental to the lifestyle even; a direct consequence of exposing ourselves to another human being.  But of course, I am woman and believe in foreplay, so why would I not put a similar weight on the afters?  I believe in the responsibility of both partners (or all partners) to make sure each person is in the right "space" whether Dominant or submissive.  It is plain human decency, is it not?

Why the emphasis on aftercare?  Say, for example, in one hypothetical situation, two people are involved in a D/s scene and then, suddenly, long-hidden memories and associations that used to be kept under-wraps now unexpectedly bubble up to the surface, unchecked.  Why?  Because they used to rest behind secure walls kept strong with a regular supply of mental energy.  When the mind's energy is diverted in a BDSM scene, that energy goes elsewhere... and the walls come down, and the memories come flooding back in.  What is the result of that? Increased exposure, increased vulnerability, increased doses of powerful emotion, more intense than expected or predicted in some cases.  So what?  So, aftercare becomes really, really, really important.  For whom?  For the submissive who is focused on the physical endurance of the scene.  For anybody else?  Yes; for the Dominant also, who might (you never know!) be pushing his or her own boundaries in the heat of the moment.  Really?  The Dom might need some aftercare too?  Yes, for the reasons listed in the article (read it!!):  anybody exposed to another human being deserves nurturing, afterwards, until feelings of exposure recede.  However long that takes.  This paragraph is a paraphrase of that article, by the way.  If you read the article, you'll see that.  This paragraph does not have anything to do with any experience I have had in real life: it's an example condensed for readability from the Steel Door article.

Intimacy is the moment of pure exposure.  Intimacy is the intersection of vulnerability and protection.  Intimacy is the point on the grid where magic happens.  And then, suddenly, intimacy is pure connection.  What happens if, suddenly, intimacy is taken away?   Where does all that mental energy go, now?  Where do you put all the love?  Who will hear it?  Who can feel it?

Aftercare, intimacy, and needs are on my mind lately, as I said at the beginning of this post.  They are on my mind first because of the mentoring that I am involved with (and I have a great mentor, as I've said before); they are on my mind because I have experienced poor (read: nonexistent) aftercare in the past; and I have been exploring the meaning of intimacy and what that means for need and for aftercare especially, lately.  These are important questions.  When people ignore these important ideas in loving relationships, it's hard to see where the breakdown occurs; and that makes it hard to take the first step towards repairing it.

The Unseen Gardener

As I was landscaping my home in Second Life, I realized when it was finished that it really did need a gardener to pare-back and prune the out-of-control wilderness that seems to be without fail my instinctive landscape setting.  There's green everywhere: on land, in the water, in the house.  Life occupies all available space, by rule and nature, and I make it so.

It made me chuckle to realize that a person can gleen volumes of information simply by observing the way a girl handles simple decisions.  How to set a table; where someone gets honoured; what comforts are provided; what fantasies are struggling; what comes easily; what comes with great effort.  And especially, where does she enjoy putting her effort, tirelessly, endlessly, and for what reason?

There is a table setting with breakfast prepared, outside in the morning sun.  There is a rock-garden beside the table-setting, lilies and water flowing around the solid stones.  The daisies grow wildly but are stopped suddenly with the house's foundation.  From that boundary inward, civilization dominates.  The only green that grows, thereafter, is inside, carefully potted, resting comfortably in its stationary posture and tended to daily by loving hands.

And there is a quiet space inside the house, room for a lone figure suspended from a strong pendant.  Comfortable seating and the feet never touch the ground.  Time for contemplation and even meditation if the mind is of a mood.  Because it is a space where a mind can bend towards the light of understanding.  On my journey of key learnings, I have come to understand more and more about myself, and especially as a result of this blog here for which I find myself grateful.  Journey to Dominance and Submission has been a good read.

It is a journey.  It is a journey filled with frustration and with joy, too.  It is a journey filled with deceit, but it is also filled with opportunities for discovering honesty.  The garden is not just blossom and leaf: the garden comprises muck and fertilizer, worm and slug as much as it comprises air, water, sunlight, and sweet dark corners.  The green stems grow amid immovable rock; water-waves crash over immovable rock; pretty pink lilies open all around immovable rock; the burning sun and driving rain blast down upon immovable rock. Life happens all around immovable rock.  I will know the right rock when it welcomes me.