Self-Esteem

Once again, I realize how lucky I am.  Going back over the mentoring interactions with Genny, one thing strikes me now more clearly than anything:  this is a personal journey.  All of my assignments are designed for me to figure out who I am in a submissive relationship and what I want, and how I am prepared to live, and what it is that I see, and my vision, and my personal and unique way of expressing myself submissively.  Genny hasn't handed me a template and an instruction booklet on how to fit myself into this template:  Genny is getting me to explore who I am.  I am really lucky:  she is a great friend in the D/s lifestyle, and she isn't trying to change me, or shatter me, or break me down, or use me, or take advantage of me.  Or screw me, for that matter.  Instead, she gives me the equivalent of, "Here is my time, make something extraordinary with it, show what you can do." And, so, I do.  And every time I do, I come away with many meditations on the D/s lifestyle, and these meditations I carry with me and mull over as I move through the world, looking at the butterflies, making every moment a learning moment.
Whether deliberate or accidental, what Genny has done for me is to increase my self-esteem.  By letting me explore what it is that I want from this lifestyle, and by letting me express myself in ways meaningful to me, she has increased my self-esteem.  She has increased my power.  Well, I have increased my power: I know that it's all down to me, in the end, and if I asked Genny she would say, "I haven't increased your power; you did that."  But what Genny has done is to facilitate, enable, and witness it.  And consequently, I feel good.

Self-esteem is a big deal to my newfound "Masterful Expertise" Mr. Dennis Najee.  He states a very basic relationship principle here, and I agree with him 100%.  I quote: "The truth is that only those with a solid self-esteem can be in healthy relationships. Even in a power exchange situation, it is crucial that both people be on solid footing with their self-worth.  Again, and I cannot stress this enough, both parties need to look within for that value.  A slave is not valuable because of what she does; rather, her value is because of who she is.  Her awakening in the morning is all she needs to have merit.  Everything else flows out of that place."  So, the words make sense, but what do they mean ultimately in a practical sense?  How do people increase their self-esteem?  They can take a lesson from Genny my mentor, is what they can do.  Ask questions, task the submissive with exploratory tasks that aim for figuring out who she is, what she's capable of, and how she wants to live.  Explore the lifestyle and how other people live it: no two people have the same conditions, limits, considerations, or point of view.  There is no "template" for slavery; and there is no "template" for submission.  The lowest common denominator in the BDSM lifestyle is respect: everything else flows out of that place.

Mr. Najee talks about a spectrum.  "There are people at every stage of the spectrum."  It makes sense, right?  Domination is not just full-on control of every single aspect of a human being.  Domination is an art, and so one style does not fit everybody.  In fact, there are probably as many styles to domination as there are people who practice it.   Mr. Najee says, and I agree wholly, "The key is to know what it is that makes you tick.  In other words, how much of a relationship do you want with a person.  The one who is seeking a marriage partner as well as a BDSM one is looking for something emotionally in-depth.  This differs from the one who seeks to simply be of service to another in the domestic sense and forego the emotional.  Again, neither is better than the other.  It only matters what is best for you.  Knowing your place is a helpful thing to determine.  Sadly, few ever look at it before they enter into a relationship.  Most seem to do it backwards: they enter into relationships to determine what they desire.  Is it any wonder that so many relationships fail?"   I have goals in this world.  One of my immediate goals is to surround myself with more people like Mr. Najee and his very common-sense, non-predatory type of teaching.  Another of my immediate goals is to learn more from my interactions with Genny.  And eventually, a long time down the road, to surrender myself to You, my Future You, because the butterfly will someday emerge from the cocoon.