Needs, Part Two

I quote my mentor:  "It is my trust, my submission that I give."   When I put conditions on my expectations of someone else's behaviour before I give anything, she explains in her blog, "I set myself up for failure."

I know why I'm not real: it has to do with the way that I trust.  I have spent a lot of time trying not to be vulnerable, when it is that vulnerability that defines submission to a powerful and creative force.  I'm not real because I do not trust someone else to protect my feelings as well as I can.  Meanwhile, without that trust, I will not form the unique bond that I seek wherein I believe in someone's protection of my feelings.

The logic is as simple as can be.

Needs part two:  I need to stop approval-seeking.  Approval and intimacy are not the same thing, and I have mistaken them.  Approval-seeking is destructive; it erodes a person's sense of self.

Needs part two:  I need to stop being afraid of intimacy, mistaking it for carrying approval's baggage.  Intimacy is  different, and it is not approval's bitch.

Approval is a circus full of freaks and a different ring-leader every day who may or may not be in the mood for your style of entertainment, or who may feel like laughing you right out of the tent.  Intimacy is a little table in a quiet corner of a busy restaurant; the table has only what you need upon it, and there is not much separating you and your partner.  You speak if you want to, or just gaze if you wish to remain silent.  Sad words, happy words, anxious words, loving words, the table has heard it all, and the table is still there, and so are you and your partner.