On a large scale, I believe civilization's fundamental bedrock is trust: therefore, we cannot have relationships without trust. I believe, for myself, that I could not cross at a green light, board a high-speed train, or eat food purchased at a local market without trusting all manner of people whom I've never met but who, nevertheless, preserve my life for another day with their predictable and benevolent behaviour. We need to be able to trust even on an unconscious level, or else we remain paralyzed and afraid of our own shadow.
On a more intimate scale (since intimacy and need are my focus right now), I believe that someone can trust me who has learned to depend on my judgment; who has learned to rely on my priorities and my ability to prioritize someone's sensitive issues; who has learned to read and understand my behaviours which consistently provide a "no-surprise" environment where sensitive issues are concerned.
To do otherwise would be a "surprise" environment -- or, in other words, it would be shocking, an emotional violence. The extent of the violence depends on the extent of the betrayal. Part of the trust a person places in me, however, is how terribly I would feel if I were to cause another to be so shocked by betrayal.
On the most intimate scale (since we get to the heart of the matter now) I need trust. I need to be able to rely upon someone as readily as I offer my own reliability. I need a "no-surprise" environment. I need to take for granted that someone will behave in such a way. Needs, part three: I need safety from shocks and emotional violence. Even accidental.
Wants, part one: I would like to play. I would like to play with physical boundaries. I would like to play with someone I would never doubt. I would like to play with someone who takes play seriously; someone who flirts with the physical but who never, ever betrays the emotional. Side effect of this learning: As I become more honest, I require more honest.
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