Only Connect

The guiding principle behind E. M. Forster's Howard's End, "Only Connect."  I have attended a discussion today about Shelf-Sitting Submissives, a phenomenon whereby a submissive waits (almost interminably) for her dominant to come back and pay attention to her, requiring the underlying assumptions: a) there is no communication about how and when the Dominant will arrive, b) there is no communication about if the Dominant will arrive, c) there is no communication about what kind of waiting is actually required of the submissive i.e. is the submissive allowed to entertain the company of other dominants (chastely or otherwise), and is the submissive allowed to entertain the company of other submissives (to discuss the ways of the world and the mechanics of the D/s lifestyle from peer-perspectives); and/or d) there is no communication about anything else that is terribly important to the feelings, heart, soul, and well-being of both parties in the D/s relationship.  There is no communication, really, and it makes a person feel really low.  Unimportant.  No longer valued.  Not a priority.  Unloved... depending on the self-esteem of the person to begin with.

Only connect.  I am protected by a Dominant who expects me to communicate.  Regularly.  I am protected by a Dominant who has a set, fixed time that I can reasonably expect to meet him in-world.  I am protected by a Dominant who expects me to transparently live in such a way so that he CAN protect me: he knows where I am; he knows what I wish to learn; he knows when and why I am here; and he WANTS to know.  These expectations make me feel loved.  I am protected by a Dominant who says it is incumbent upon HIM to make sure the lines of communication remain open, and to make sure that I obey his expectations about keeping in communication and keeping honest and keeping the energy flow... keeping the power exchange alive.  It's his responsibility; it's my submission; it is our ongoing relationship.  This requires effort and energy on his part.  This requires time invested on his part.  And time invested on my part.  And this time and investment make me feel wanted, make me feel like I'm important.  He protects me, but here's the crux:  his protection is of my feelings.  My feelings are my most vulnerable part of me, and that's what he protects with his protocol of Domination.  He makes sure my feelings are healthy, fine, wanted, and attended to.  This is how he protects me, and this is what protection means.  Only connect -- it's not a secret to a healthy relationship... it is available to everybody.