"Submission" and "Stupidity"

Submissive doesn't mean stupid.  Unfortunately, it often means "eager to please".  And sometimes "eager to please" means doing things a person wouldn't do otherwise, such as second-guessing oneself.  Or putting oneself in harm's way.  Or surrendering something one wouldn't otherwise.  So, even though the word "submissive" doesn't equate linguistically with "stupid", there is still the possibility that the two may co-exist in the behaviour of a submissive when dealing with a compelling dominant.  And, wow, some dominants are compelling as hell.  They can make you spend money.  They can make you compromise your limits.  They can make you laugh as easily as they can make you cry.  They can make you stretch and fold and bend and snap back into position, depending on how eager you are to please.  Depending on  your level of approval-seeking.  Depending on how much you want to show how submissive you really are.  Because, sometimes it's just so easy to forget how intelligent you are when the strong voice of a compelling dom says, "wear my collar and I'll show you things" when... wait... when did the submission actually take place?  Where was the negotiation of power exchange?  When were limits discussed?  Now you are collared.  It was pretty simple for the dom to achieve.  The rest is cake.

I enjoy a "protected" status (as I've mentioned a few times) as a submissive at Journey to Domination and submission.  Well, the whole truth: protected AND precious.  I bet my sweet ass.  I have not forgotten, Sir Tony!  This status means that I recognize my eager-to-please-ness; that I recognize my not-quite-ready-to-decide-without-some-help-ness; that I recognize I am too vulnerable on my own without a mentor to help guide me in big decisions.  And by "vulnerable" I mean not the good kind.  The good kind is whole, transparent exposure to the eyes of the right dominant.  Whole, transparent exposure to the ears, heart, hands, penis, legs, liver, toys... anything the right dominant uses to enjoy his submissive.  That's good vulnerability.  Bad vulnerability is the feeling of exposure and deception in the presence of the wrong dominant.  The dominant who uses your approval-seeking against you in order to accomplish false or temporary or incomplete mastery.  The dominant who tries to sneak the collar around your neck without negotiating the strings attached, the responsibilities associated, the promises and the pledges.  The dominant who will use you, in other words, instead of helping you grow, and who will not make you a priority in his life that he can talk about openly.

I have been so used, along my journey, and a key learning for me is that I had the power (whether I remembered or not) to get myself out of it, or question it, or interrogate it, or examine it out loud, before it got too bad.  And, I did do these things, actually.  I wish I had done so sooner, but at least I did eventually.  Another key learning in general when in Second Life is that there are folks who will completely disregard what is written in one's profile (even if it's a hard limit)  and they will deliberately flout those boundaries (in the name of healthy pushing which subs must also be mindful of... especially when it comes to core values being broken).  A submissive will have to say, out loud, in no uncertain terms, "No, thank you, I do not wish it."   Unfortunately, a submissive tends to think that, having written it down in her profile, it spares her from having to say the words out loud (because speaking them can be difficult).  When talking to a compelling dom, "no" is not always easy to verbalize.  And unscrupulous doms rely upon its difficulty, for how else would they get what they want?  But it is a very important sentence for a submissive to believe she is entitled to say.  "No, thank you, I do not wish it."  It is incumbent upon the submissive to know she can say it.  A submissive is entitled to say these words, but most of all a submissive is EXPECTED to say these words:  how else can "safe, sane, consensual" be enforced?  MOST ESPECIALLY with a dominant who is not her master, owner, well-known confidant of many years.