Protected Precious Belongs, Today

When at the Journey to Domination and Submission sim, I wear a group tag.  (Second Life residents know about group tags.  When you are a member of any kind of community, chances are there is a group to join for membership, and that group will give you a special tag that affords special privileges.)  My J2D tag says, "Protected Precious."  It is the tag given to submissives.  "Seeker" is the tag given to Dominants.  Genny, my mentor and the owner of the sim, wears a tag that says "Traveler."  I confess, when I first got this "Protected Precious" status, my immediate reaction was privately negative.  I was fairly ashamed to wear this tag.  It felt princessy. I have never considered myself either protected or precious.  It felt, therefore, like a phoney tag that was meant for a hundred other girls that weren't me.  I did ask, though, a Dominant and a Master whom I respect probably above all others.  "I am not really so very precious, come on?"  And his answer was, "You bet your sweet ass you are."  This little mini-conversation took place several months ago, but it has stayed with me and replayed over and over like a song that is determined to become the year's favorite.  From time to time, it was drowned out by feelings of alienation and separation; feelings of being different; feelings of being so far removed from the groups I long to take part in.  I am reminded, almost cruelly sometimes, of how differently I present myself.  It makes me feel like a freak.  That's my issue, I know.

Then, later on, when I had repeated the conversation to that same Dominant and Master, I had misquoted him.  I had said something like, "You bet your ass," and he corrected me.  "Anna, I believe I said 'sweet ass'."

This is a blog post about self-esteem.  When I showed another Dominant a picture of what I was wearing today, he complimented me and said that it was an enjoyable look.  It took me almost half an hour to finally say "thank you" for the compliment.  I'm not sure why I find it difficult to accept a compliment sooner and genuinely.  I'm not sure why, months ago, I found "sweet" difficult to add when referencing "my ass".  I'm not sure why, months ago, I resisted being known as one who is "protected" and one who is "precious".  I have come to a decision, though.  While I examine these personal foibles of mine privately, I will embrace their opposites publicly.  Time for affirmations!  I am Anna, geisha name Choji, and my sweet ass is protected and precious.  My sweet ass is protected, precious, and proud of it.  My sweet ass is protected, precious, proud of it, and in the mood to say so.  My sweet ass is intelligent, thoughtful, and very often in need of protecting given how precious it is.  My sweet ass gives a wiggle and a can-can-kick or two.  My sweet ass sits on a throne of trust supported by balloons of hope sailing over the hammock of aftercare, waving at the amazing Dominant and Master who taught me, months ago, that it's not because I'm any different from anybody else -- it's actually because I am special like everybody else, that I am as precious as everybody else, and just as protected.  Today I feel like I belong.  Today is a good day.