Giving Yourself, and Giving Away

Recently, I attended a discussion (so few of them are held in my timezone... I grab what I can!) and the topic was "Time to Say Goodbye" and what some reasons might be for a submissive and her Dom/me to part ways.  Without any big surprise, the reasons we discussed (and certainly there would be more of them if we had longer to discuss it) are very similar for vanilla couples:  a) when one or the other's needs simply aren't being met, and no amount of communication can build a bridge over that chasm; b) when one becomes abusive beyond the other's tolerance;  c) when one or the other is revealed as dishonest; d) when one or the other transgresses a core value previously established and sacred to the relationship.  Afterwards, I got to continue the conversation with a few other people who were also interested in the topic, and it was surprising how naturally the conversation led to "Acting Like a Sub".

"What does a 'real' sub act like?  Look like?" And I think this is where the cultures clash:  the roleplayers, the lifestylers, the D/s lovers, the virtual-enthusiasts, the gamers, the real-lifers, the Goreans, the Vanillas... everybody, it seems, has an idea of what submission "looks" and "acts" like.  The one point on which we all agreed (those of us chatting on the topic together) was that submission "feels like" giving your whole self.  It ceases to feel like submission when you give yourself away.  But it feels like submission when you give your whole self.  It is not as confounding as it sounds...!  We must, must, must have the integrity and self-knowledge, and most importantly the self-love, required to know what it is we're giving to our Dominant when we submit ourselves.  When we give ourselves (and not when we give ourselves away), it's nice to be giving something great!   But honestly, there are so many competing submission ideals  here in Second Life, so many different points of access for understanding submission, so many ways to approach this, that there is simply no justice served by asserting "one right way" to act submissively.  (Now I am beginning to understand why the tempered, mature players in SL promote "respect and tolerance" as key values before entering their sims.)  Respect and tolerance because there is a multitude of genres to accommodate, and everybody's submission is unique in any case.

Why am I submissive?  I was born this way.  Do I switch?  No; my submission is a point of pride for me.  Do I think that I can demonstrate my submission as easily in silks as in a chunky white floppy sweater?  Why, yes I do.  Observe!  Says the silkie:  "My Master, there are so many empty chairs in this house when You are gone.  The sting of Your whip or the kiss of Your mouth, please, my Master, bring it to me!  Your girl aches and longs!"  Says the submissive:  "My Master, I hope You don't mind... while You were gone, I missed You so much that I wore Your sweater.  The one that You asked me to wash before You returned.  I wore it because it smells like You, and it feels like You surround me.  I ache and I long for You..."   I feel pretty confident that my submission will get across, no matter my medium, and no matter my appearance.

How to act submissively?  It's private and personal, of course, but I would answer, "Don't act."  Submission is an honest state.  And it requires a person who has the courage of her convictions.  Who can speak truth to power when required.  Who actually has power that she can surrender to her Dom/me.  More than in other states of being, you need to be able to articulate what you need.  What you want.  What you crave.  Where your fears are.  Where your courage is.  Why you see obstacles.  What you will examine and what you won't.  Where there is failure, and whether there is a remedy.  If you give yourself away, the prize is gone.  If you give yourself to fill yourself, and keep giving yourself and keep getting filled, the prize grows and grows for the One who claims you.
Or, so I believe right now.  And I hope this holds true.